It's not quite the same to type a Mamas and Papas lyric after the Mackenzie revelation...

Anyway... back to work after a sick day last week. I think the cold snap finally got rid of all the allergens that were killing me last week.

Work is sponsoring a contest for the people that get the most increase in twitter followers... so if you're in the Tulsa area follow @katespencer1 and tell all your friends to as well, please! I need the cash winnings.

Also, still time to vote in the LJ-Idol:
http://community.livejournal.com/therealljidol/270539.html

Now... more coffee and back to the grind stone...

Time to ask for votes for LJ Idol if you're so inclined.

http://community.livejournal.com/therealljidol/270539.html

wrote about the strained relationship I have with my mother and apathy.

This is my entry for the LJ-Idol Competition

What I should care about, but don't.

I was on the phone with my mother the other day. I called her to ask some question about something or other, chatted a few minutes and got off the phone. About 2 hours later I realized it was her birthday and I forgot to say anything.

For most mothers and daughters that's a big deal, a last minute scramble to buy a present or plan a birthday dinner. For me, it was pretty normal.

My mother and I aren't close. When I was 2, she started dating a guy who didn't want a kid around so she dropped me off at my grandparents and took off for 2 weeks. No one knew where she was or what she was doing. When she came back to get me, Mems said, "Nope, she's not going." I've lived there ever since.

I still saw my mom sometimes, she'd pick me up when she got done waitressing on Friday nights and I'd stay the weekend, when she remembered to pick me up. There were many a night I stayed up excited to see her, only to wait for hours, finally calling her and being told "I forgot."

The older I got the more angry I got about how she treated me, I got bitter and mouthy and eventually sought therapy to deal with the issues. That's when I wrote a letter to my mother with no plans to send it.

Fourt pages of the hurt of abandonment, the anger at her new family and the cynicism it left me with... all wrapped up in a sealed envelope. It did help, it helped me let go of the anger and the bitterness I had built up.

But it changed the way I deal with my mother, she went from being an unhappy element of my life to being a non-entity. We stil didn't have a relationship, but I didn't care anymore. I moved past the anger and moved on.

Now 10 years later, I don't even remember my mother's birthday... and I know I should care, but I just don't.

I have one thing to say:

Tonight's SVU was not only the best of the season, but I'd go so far as to say that it was the best of the past few years, with only a handful of other episodes coming close to it.

Although I was distracted in the final scene by how amazingly tight Chris Meloni's shirt was. Not that I'm complaining, but still. Geez.

Next week looks fantastic, too.

First things first: I got my Droid today (waited on the edge of my seat allllll morning - Fed Ex was SO LATE it's not even funny - he's usually there by 9, and today it was almost 11 before he showed up) and I love it already. I can finally set my own ringtones (Verizon is against using your own mp3s as ringtones for some reason) and now have the monster noise from Lost as my text message alert. I would have the countdown clock alarm if I could find one longer than one second or could edit it to loop. (Ringzoid isn't working, really, for some odd reason.)

I need to make sure that I "kill" my Twitter app, or else it'll be constantly updating and killing my battery.

On to other things, though: HOUSE. ( *Nineteen* eighties, House! )

I have off all day (and night!) on Friday and it's going to be a big day whichever way it goes: I am either getting my new tv or going up to New York City for the day. I'm kind of hoping for NYC, but the tv would be just fine, too. If we do end up in NYC, we may go to Central Park - I've never been there and Johnny said he loves walking around in there. We both want to take pictures, so that's a good place for that. (I am also kind of hoping SVU will be out in the streets filming, but I think Nancy (nsfcl on Twitter - editor on the show) said they're in studio all week.)

Speaking of Johnny, he also knows the guy that was busted for child porn and all day today we walked around work talking about how shocked we both are. We are both of the opinion that he is not going to do well in prison, and we just cannot figure out how he got to the point of needing to look at images of children.

I think it's almost time for bed - I've been super tired in the mornings for the past month and it's driving me insane. It's worse on nights like this when I have off and end up just sitting around all evening.

If you're so inclined... and a member of the community... vote for me on the LJ-Idol...

http://community.livejournal.com/therealljidol/267176.html

A vote for me is a vote for cursing grandpas everywhere.

So a guy that I vaguely know from my old church was arrested for child pornography yesterday. Craziness. I'm shocked - I never would have guessed it - and disgusted, because really? You like 13 and 14 year old boys? Suck it up and ignore it, idiot. There's a whole bunch of different kinds of porn out there, can't you just find the ones where the boys look young but actually aren't? I'm sure he'll see a decent amount of jail time, plus a lifetime of being a sex offender. This guy is honestly someone that I never would have suspected of being into this sort of thing.

In happier news, I ordered a Motorola Droid today and should get it on Monday! I'm so excited! It actually shipped today, about three hours after I placed the order, but I sent it to work instead of home because of the signature requirement.

I was surprised when I went to check on the plans necessary for Droid and saw that I didn't have to upgrade my ultra-cheap "we don't have this plan anymore" plan in order to get it. I did, of course, have to add the $30/month internet plan, but that put the bill right around where I was expecting. Plus we have a slight discount through work, so that makes it even less.

I'm sure that all I'll do Monday is play with the phone.

Johnny and I were tentatively going to go to Delaware tomorrow to buy me a tv - he's my muscle - but he got pinkeye the other day and I'm not sure if we're still going or not. If not, I have some Kohl's coupons that I want to try to use. Mmm, shopping. I don't really need to get the tv yet, anyway - not after I dropped money on the Droid. I do need some more nice sweaters and maybe another pair of jeans.

This is my first week back as an usher at work - people are still finding out. I like when they're shocked and indignant, until I tell them that I chose to downgrade myself, and then they're just shocked (and supportive). Most people are asking me why I'm not a supervisor - one guy asked in front of my boss. (Hee. Yay. Fire our "weekend" person who doesn't ever want to work and give me her spot!) Although honestly, I've been getting asked why I wasn't a supervisor for about five or six years now. *g*

I'm really behind on tv due to the World Series and all the events at the Center the past few weeks. I still haven't seen Flash Forward for the last 2 weeks, NCIS, The Good Wife, and So You Think You Can Dance from this week. (I don't want to know who got eliminated! Although I'm surprised I haven't seen it anywhere online yet.)

Speaking of SYTYCD, seems like last season's Janette is dating last season's Jason. I swore he was gay. Guess not, though. He's quite attractive.

I have got to go to bed.

This is a memory of my Pops that makes me smile, for the LJ-Idol competition.

There are days when I close my eyes and picture him. His blue eyes crinkled, a trucker hat on his head, his cheeks... covered with gray stubble... raised in a smile. Everytime I do, the tears come, even now as I type this.

My Pops helped raise me, together he and my grandmother became parents in their golden years when my parents failed me. Come January it will be 10 years since he passed, but the memories are as vivid and painful as they were the day he died.

This is a memory of him... that always makes me smile through the tears.

Barbies used to be my obsession. I had boxes and boxes of them in my room, and whenever the family loaded up for a road trip I'd find a new Barbie waiting in the backseat to occupy me for the drive.

That was the case when I was about 8, My grandparents and I took off for Florida, them taking turns driving, me in the back seat with Barbie, Ken and piles of outfits. Now being that I was 8, changing the doll's clothes usually became a chore for whichever grandparent wasn't driving.

We'd been driving most of the day and Pops was taking a break, riding shotgun as Mems barrelled down the highway. Naturally it was about that time Ken needed to change into his "after work" clothes, so I handed the doll and outfit to Pops and he tried to change his clothes.

Anyone who's ever changed the clothes of a Barbie or Ken doll, knows it is not an easy task. Their limbs are rubbery and stiff, never bending the way you need and the clothes are small and tight. So it takes awhile, but Pops hands me the doll and I start playing.

But, Barbie and Ken make other plans so they have to change into evening wear. I tackle Barbie's costume change, after handing Ken off to Pops again. There's some grumbling and muttered cursewords, but eventually he passes a fully dressed Ken back to me.

So Ken and Barbie are ready, off to the opera or whatever "fancy" event my young mind created for them, they party it up for a bit, and it's time to go home and go to sleep. So they need new clothes, and I pass Ken to Pops.

It's just a few minutes later, when after a lost shoe and torn pants, Pops passes the doll back to me.

"Babydoll" he says, his nickname for me.

"Yes?" I answer, looking at his blue eyes, smiling at me in the backseat.

"If you take the god-damned clothes off this doll again, I will throw it out the fucking window." Did I mention my Pops was a sailor and cursed like one?

I nod and give him a kiss on the cheek then take the doll, and Ken and Barbie spend the rest of the day lounging in their pajamas while we drive on.